The Uncomfortable Truth about Rape

The this article was written by Sydney Watson

Rape has always been an inevitable talking point of feminism. In fact, any time I have immersed myself in feminist perspective, much of what they believe seems to boil down to sexual assault, rape and violence against women.

The objectification and sexualisation of women is something widely discussed in the feminist world. These concepts, along with the “Patriarchy” are the primary issues at the core of the third-wave feminist movement.

But their main argument comes down to this: men are the sole perpetrators of violence and must be taught not to rape.

This model of thinking is not perfect. Terms such as “family violence” have become synonymous with “violence toward women”. Rape has become a female-only experienced problem.
This means that male victims of all ages and female abusers vanish from the issue. The victimization of men and boys flies, unheard, under the radar. Without men being given a voice when it comes to violence and rape against males, it presents a problem that is disproportionately in favour of female experience. The problem with a model centred on females is that the experiences of men in the same situation are dismissed.

The long-held feminist belief that women are oppressed and consistently exposed to violence speaks to a society that has entrenched women’s rights and overlooks its own inclination towards inequality.
Even when sexual abuse against men is highlighted, it is often qualified by claiming that men are raped by other men. This is not true.
This kind of response makes the problem circular. It continually insists that rape and sexual violence are a male problem. It is also victim-blaming, a term that feminists quite like to use.

So many perpetuated ideas towards sexual violence and rape overlook the male perspective. While there is a certainly a case to be made that men do engage in violence and rape, many of the existing feminist arguments that force this notion are not successful in explaining why some men are violent and the majority are not.

Feminism has tried to shake the gender-based, sex-based, hormone-based categorization of women that says they are suited towards and inexplicably tied to particular traits and responses. But, the irony of consistently labelling men – simply by virtue of being a man – as a rapist or having the propensity to rape is a most hypocritical perspective.

The uncomfortable truth is this: male victimization exists and it is severely underreported.

The Australian Institute of Family Studies Male Survivors of Sexual Assault and Rape addresses how statistics and theories about sexual assault fail to see men as victims. There are also issues with consistently stereotyping men as inherently violent and masculine. These stereotypes inform the way a man is sexually assaulted and how he is affected by that. For example, men are considered active participants in sexual activity. They also considered over-sexualized and always engaged in the idea of having sex.
In many ways, these stereotypes assume that men are able to protect themselves and they will not turn down an opportunity for intercourse.

Researchers have suggested that being a male victim can cause problems in how the police, justice system and society respond to their assault. The sexual assault of a man forces him to challenge conventional masculinity. The fact that society barely recognizes the rape of men means that male victims are marginalized and they are, by extension, disproportionately misrepresented in statistics.

The Invisible Boy, a Canadian report on male victimization, displays some very troubling facts about female abusers and male victims. Sexual abuse by females on “rapists, sex offenders and sexually aggressive men” is high in occurrences. However, depending on the study, between 59 to 80 per cent of male sex offenders were abused by a woman. The study admits that “male adolescent sex offenders abused by “females only” chose female victims almost exclusively”.

Further studies suggest that rapists and sex offenders are consistently classified by the same subtypes: power, anger and sadistic.
As rape by men is consistently disproved as an act of sex, but actually one of violence, there is little to support the notion that sexual violence can be inherently male.

An article written by feminist activist, Clementine Ford, said “[rape is] part of [the rapist’s] character… [they] believe they are entitled to use women’s bodies against their will, to dominate and hurt women for their own gratification.”

What is unfortunate are these claims are unsubstantiated and overlooks the fact that often, female abusers create rapists.
To write these things and publish them, with no basis in science, only adds to the leagues of misinformation on rape, men and women. Sorry, Clementine – your opinion doesn’t count!

In 93 per cent of cases, a man who was victimized by a woman, in turn, exclusively targeted women.

The last point in relation to rape comes right comes down to brain structure and learned behaviour.

Many feminist articles I have read argue that men are inherently violent and predisposed to rape. Well, science says otherwise.

Tel Aviv University in Israel conducted a series of tests on the brain structures of 1400 male and female brains. The results determined the following:

There is no purely “male” or “female” brain.

In most cases, there was up to a 53 per cent cross over between male and female structures in the brain. More simply, men and women shared the same characteristics.
Only between zero to eight per cent of the brains contained all ‘male’ or all ‘female’ structures.
The researchers went on to analyse datasets that evaluated stereotypical gender behaviours. They found that participant interests were just as varied as their brain structures. Only 0.1 per cent of subjects showed gender-specific stereotypical behaviour (such as video gaming, sports, reading, etc).

Daphna Joel, the behavioural neuroscientist who conducted the study, said “there is no one person that has all the male characteristics and another person that has all the female characteristics. Or if they exist they are really, really rare to find”.

Based on this evidence – that would have to mean that men could not possibly be automatically predisposed towards violence and rape, because if they were, women would be too.

The crucial fact is that women objectify men. Women also sexually assault, rape and victimize men. In many ways, society has said that men’s issues are not as important as women’s issues and basically thrown them aside.

The oppression of women that feminism seems to promote is appearing more and more to be a pathological problem, rather than a social one.

87 Comments on “The Uncomfortable Truth about Rape”

  1. Any sexual assault regardless of gender of the victim/perpetrator is a sickening crime. But blaming women for creating rapists is the most ridiculous piece of crap I have read for a long time. Your ideas on what feminist core issues are is way off the mark but I doubt you would listen to anything I say that might make you question your preconceived ideas and stop maligning feminist. Btw calling someone a feminist is a complement not an insult.

    • I’m not a police officer, so why dress like one. Want to be treated with respect, dress respectfully. And no it’s no excuse for rape. But we are all accountable for our own actions.

      • You do realise that ‘respectfully’ dressed women get raped too? If rape only ever happens because the woman is dressed ‘like a slut’ then why do muslim women still get raped even though they’re wearing burkas? Why do elderly women get raped?

      • What the fuck? We are responsible for our own actions sure, if I wore a short dress I’d be responsible for wearing a short dress. But that’s about it. Rapists cause rape, clothes don’t cause rape. Educate yourself.

        • Sexually stimulating men by revealing parts of your body to inflate your own ego is surely a reason as to why someone who is unstable might lose rational control of their behaviour and harass or assault a woman they were attracted to. Or is your best defense that men should not look at women in public? This “look but don’t touch” way of parading your attractiveness in public can be very frustrating to young men in particular who don’t have a partner.

    • Actually, calling someone a feminist has quickly become the ultimate putdown these days, it’s amazing how fast it’s reversed, just as it meant something cool ten years ago, now it’s uncool. Why? Because it reveals someone who pretends to be just a loving gender equalist thinking for themselves, instead, as a blindly indoctrinated follower of feminist ideology. At that point, the person called out as a “feminist” can either scream “rapist!” or “racist!” while running the other way, or be forced to spend the rest of the debate arguing that they don’t really support sharia law, or FGM, or thousands of women being raped by muslim refugees in every major city in Europe on New Year’s Eve, or that they don’t really hate men and even male children, oh no not at all, they just don’t care about male suicide (silent feminist fist bump), rape victims, domestic abuse victims, male victims of rape, oh, and they really hate double standards (half the time, anyway) and oh yeah, men are to blame not for the majority of inventions in the world, including democracy and the enlightenment, but only for all the world’s problems, and worst of all, “The reason that evil (attractive, successful, masculine) men won’t have sex with me is because you’re all racist/rapist/fatist/ etc! Waaaaaah!!! He won’t call back, that means I was raped!!! Someone call the police!!! Waaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!”

      So yeah. Being called a feminist is an insult. A very effective one. It generally means hypocritical hater who is either miserable, or on the path to the permanent self-made, well-earned misery only the most biased, narrow-minded, institutionally, “systemically” brainwashed bigot deserves. Good luck with that attitude. You can’t hurt men and boys without hurting yourself more, kinda an essential part of the species…

    • I agree. The people here probably support feminism as the overall original definition, the equality of both sexes, but the modern day feminism is not what it once was.

      • I agree, I actually have respect for the first and second wave feminists but not what I see today. It’s bears no resemblance as to what it used to be. As much as I hate to say this. Feminism is about being strong and fighting the good fight but when someone has to say they’re strong, celebrate strong women and make exclusive organizations for women only that fit into a specific group within the very wide spectrum of what feminism is today, that’s gone way too far.

        A truly mentally and emotionally strong people, yes, even women don’t need to say they’re strong, don’t feel the need to celebrate strong women, don’t feel the need to join special interest groups (safety in numbers situation). They also don’t feel the need to put people down, regardless of their situation, gender and the various orientations people have. They’re the kind of people that check their egos and insecurities at the door, roll up their sleeves and get to work.

        A lot of what I see modern day feminists say on the Internet, they don’t dare say to your face in the real world, let alone at work. That would be grounds for dismissal or something worse. They say it on the Internet because they feel safe in their virtual numbers and that they can articulate how they feel on a blog or on social media without fear of reprisal from the masses coming to their door because they said something really stupid for which they would have never dared to say it in person. There is a certain degree of anonymity on the Internet for which they enjoy and know that they’re relatively safe.

    • Promiscuity and consequence free sex is the cornerstone of feminism. Any anti-feminist or feminist neutral article that strikes at the core of your world view (promiscuity and consequence free sex) usually results in horrified responses like yours.

      What you call empowerment, most men consider abhorrent. When women flood the internet, commercials and social media with cheap thrills for, ya know, a couple hundred bucks a scene, it leads to sociopathic behavior among men. Not all men are smart like you, and some will come to view these unrealistic sexual fantasies as normal. This is the first time in history when sex is a casually made choice rather than a carefully made choice. Sex is no longer a vessel by which smart women carefully vet the most suitable genes to pass on to offspring. Sex is now a commodity that is bought and sold for, like I said, ridiculously small sums of money. It creates pathos among estranged men, whether you like it or not. With sex now designated as a strictly a carnal act, many maladjusted men simply have nothing to live for.

    • Feminism is cancer. You use “rape” as emotional black mail and blame the many for the wrongs of the few. In the USA more men are raped than women. “That’s a lie” you say. Because you are unaware of what men go through. Because you are self-centered and selfish. Men have always had it much worse than women. But women are professional complainers and whiners while men just stoically take it. In WWI feminists were passing out white feathers in UK to any man who was not in uniform and shaming him to join the army. On the first day of the battle of the Somme the British suffered 58,000 causalities. All of them male. https://tinyurl.com/yafcolhk

      Did I mention that I despise feminism.

      The Inevitable Collapse of Feminist Societies

        • I am from Canada Aline so I understand you said “I agree with you” but I don’t know how to respond in your language (I’ve forgotten how to speak it but I can still read some) I am sorry there’s no one who could have spoken to you.

    • I’m a woman that is NOT a feminist and rolls my eyes in disgust each time you dumb feminist bitches preach about equality yet constantly blame/target men as a whole for every little bitchfit you ever had in your pathetic narrow-minded lives. You constantly whinge and whine about being suppressed as a woman by men and yet you turn around and suppress the opinion of a good man just because he wants to defend himself against your double standards. Two wrongs don’t make a right and it’s because of Feminists that make me ASHAMED and EMBARRASSED period. I’m all for equality, I just don’t want to be represented by a movement to which, even in their name (“Feminism”) favours one gender over the other.

    • …. blaming women? she simply said that men who have been raped by a woman once have the potential to become a rapist as well, so actually female abusers are the ones who create male abusers.

    • It sounds like you read this article with a very closed mind Happy Feminist. No one is blaming women. But to act like women are the only victims and men are the only abusers is ridiculous and unhelpful. Most men are not sexual predators and are protective of women and children. If that weren’t the case, us women would be in a world of trouble.

    • Another illiterate feminist. Men assaulted by women have a higher propensity to rape and to exclusively target women. So When research was done it was found that this male rapist had a female perpetrator in his past. Feminism is cancer.

    • Yes, because male rape doesn’t hurt women. Like mothers, sisters, daughters. Oh no. Only female rape hurts…typical feminist, a man hater and blatant sexist. Feminism is a hate group, thanks for showing your true colors.

      • That’s called a misandrist. Not a feminist. I suggest you go on tumblr and search about feminism. That might not look like the best source of information but there are some seriously good argument there on why you should be a feminist and what it actually is. Feminism stands for equality, not tearing down or hating men. It’s called feminism because women are generally the ones being torn down by society. Of course, men also have issues but it advocates for both of them.

        • Actually. feminism doesn’t advocate for both sexes or the more recent addition of intersectionality; all of this was an after thought.

          Want true equality, equal representation and equal punishment for everyone should they do something against each other or against society? Look up, “egalitarianism”, also known as “equalism”. Feminism doesn’t equal egalitarianism nor vice versa.

          All genders, all the various orientations (not preferences, as the uninformed call them), social classes and any descriptors within current society today are all on a level playing field, nobody has the upper hand over anyone else; which is the way it should be.

          Note:

          Anyone can be a misandrist, including those whom also claim to be feminists. However, you can never been an egalitarian, while also be a misandrist or a misogynist, it’s not possible.

          • I struggle to accept you P.O.V.

            As far as I can tell the feminist movement has done the most to advocate for equality between the sexes. Not the equalist movement. This might be because females are seen as a minority.

            Throughout history, in fact, females have been second-class citizens throughout history. therefore when setting up the modern system it put females in the background.

            Just saying instead of dismissing a rather large group of people. Why don’t you just accept their opinion and move on? It seems rather childish to be so rude opposed to just accepting the differences in opinions.

    • As a mother to a boy… If he was raped I’d be so fucking hurt I’d be in prison for life for murdering the bitch who raped him. You do know all men have female family… right? And some women can even have empathy for men without being related to them or knowing them at all.

  2. “Without men being given a voice when it comes to violence and rape against males, it presents a problem that is disproportionately in favour of female experience. The problem with a model centred on females is that the experiences of men in the same situation are dismissed.” Men have been socialized to not talk about these types of experiences primarily by other men, because men are not offered a safe space in which to discuss these things. Their experiences are dismissed as being “weak.” Imagine if you are a man and bring up your wife hitting you while out with your buddies at the bar. You would become the laughing stock of your friend circle. Which is shitty, unfair and sad and as an egalitarian feminist lady I want to change that. My male partner was raped as a child by another man, and it has taken him nearly twenty years to finally seek out professional help to process his experience. Why did he wait so long? Because rape is traumatic, BUT also he had internalized this stupid societal message that his rape as a mere child was his fault. He picked a female therapist by the way and is doing great!

    • If she’s a feminist therapist, he won’t do well in the end, get him out before it’s too late. I know someone who lost their chance at a PhD simply because he listened to his girlfriend feminist convincing him that all of his wonderful coworkers who just wanted to see him succeed were actually “instruments of the patriarchy”. Didn’t matter they were all female, gay or from another country, they were the enemy because feminists see everyone as the patriarchy. She ruined his life. Now he doesn’t even have a Masters. Always wondered why he acted so strange and adversarial, then I met his girlfriend and it was clear; she had his ear and filled it with chaos constantly. No amount of help could cure him as long as she was around. He’s seen through her now, but his life is already over. If a therapist says they are a feminist, they are already messed up themselves, already abandoning reason and they surely hate him for having a penis, and if he is white, it’s far worse, heaven forbid if he is successful, he’ll be the patriarchy incarnate! Would you go to a West Boro Baptist counselor if you were gay and expect an unbiased, caring therapy to come out of it? But the good thing is that with extremists who hate men, boys, civilization etc. at least you can diagnose their mental condition with asking, “do you consider yourself a feminist?” If yes, then clearly, she’s more messed up than he is. But she’ll do her best to bring him down, destroying a man is the ultimate goal of a feminist, not that it ever makes them happy, they’ll never be happy, until all men are ruined. I saw it happen. Don’t let it happen if you actually care about that person.

      • You’ve constructed a whole answer based on something that’s not even been commented on, let alone confirmed! You look mental mate! I’d have a go at diagnosing your mental condition based on just that post 😂

        • It wouldn’t be wise trying to figure out if he has a mental disorder or not. After all, people need to be interviewed in a controlled clinical situation by a licensed psychoanalyst or psychiatrist . Armchair psychologist, psychiatrist and sociologist should be talking here on this forum. Just remember, if you want to analyze him, you open yourself up to be analyzed as well.

          Besides, without the all the training necessary to come up with the proper clinical diagnosis for someone, nevermind him. That takes years of academic work. It’s not as simple as plopping down the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM) revision 4 or 5 and then attempt to diagnose a person based on limited knowledge of said person, not establishing a base line, is a really big problem in ethics.

          There are inventory, cognitive and many more tests to carry out on a patient before you could even come close to being able to diagnose them. If they are in fact mentally ill or sub-clinically speaking as eccentric or odd but not enough to be say, be clinically diagnosed under the Cluster A Personality Disorder series.

          Too many people misdiagnose others on the Internet because they’re not qualified to be making those assessments nor do they have enough information about the person they’re attempting to analyze. Besides, people use the DSM as a power play to make them look all powerful, like they actually know what they’re talking about but there’s so much more to psychology and psychiatry than just using a diagnostic reference manual.

    • Actually the message to a man about being “weak” if they are victimized is one that is driven by female attitudes, not male ones. If a woman is around, men will behave as though this is the most absurd and weak thing possible but behind closed doors, you know those man areas that women have been suing for decades to get into, these things are shared. And I am a guy so when you start telling me you know more about how guys are you can remember that you’re wrong.

  3. So, a couple of angry feminists are angry in the comments.

    The first completely misrepresents what the article said, and the second seems incredulous toward the idea that anyone could ever care about the struggles of people other than oneself.

    And I just came from a feminist site where the contributors were completely baffled as to why feminists are developing such a bad reputation.

  4. Women these days feel the need to blame men for anything wrong. When morallity goes against them they fight against it, when science also challenges them they feel the need to say “we are entitled to our opinion”. I for one is all onboard about equality, and happy that michelle obama really fought for this, but these women should really check how michelle went about feminism and learn from it. Feminism is about equality but some womens thirst for power changing it to women being above men and other law boundries. As a result some men just started “Menism” to fight for their rights. This is leading to a generation of men vs women which im widely against.

    • Exactly. Meninism was literally a response to men being told to start their own group by feminists cuz they weren’t interested in making sure that men also had equal rights. And then feminist tried to turn around and call them a terroristic group. Feminism is no longer about the equality of women it is about the superiority of women. When feminist say they don’t care about men who are raped or men who have been forced into parenthood they are telling you point blank they don’t care about equality.

  5. If men got pregnant, then abortion would be illegal, because it would be called sexist oppression to disenfranchise a woman’s custodial rights over the fetus in the man’s body, and abortion would be called “more deaths from male domestic violence”. It would be called “murder” and associated with the problem of being male, and men would shrug their shoulders and say they feel guilty about all the abortions in the world, an obvious war on female fetuses (male fetuses wouldn’t be mentioned, because they were obviously going to be violent anyway) etc. Then the democrats in government would say that only male fetuses can be aborted, to control the rape culture and male violence etc. and that way they can improve the demographics so they can get more votes by promising to give more power over males to women etc. Actually, they’ll be doing that soon anyway. No need for a man, you can just go to a sperm bank or government male prostitute, all paid for by Obamacare.

  6. So the reason I was raped was because I wasn’t nice to my rapist?!!

    Do you have any idea of the pain and trauma that being hurt by another human being causes? Of course not. Your an able-bodied girl who does everything men tell you to do.

    I am young woman with a learning disability, my best friend has downs syndrome my other friend has Autism we are permanently vulnerable thanks to what we are born with. And yes there are men out there who enjoy exploiting that vulnerability.

    There used to be a time when hurting someone was considered wrong that’s clearly dead now.

    • No you read that wrong. She was discussing the phenomena of men who are abused, mostly as children and youths, by women growing up to be abusers. These men who had that kind of experience, which lasts for years at a time, become violently inclined to women, especially to women who remind them of the abuser in some way and will attack and rape those women to try to regain some of themselves. It’s not sane but no one ever claimed that an abuser, except feminists, was sane.

      • No. I hate how that myth keeps going. It prevents so many victims from seeking out help. There is a slightly higher chance one who is abused will become an abuser. However, there is a significantly bigger chance that an abused kid will become an abused adult. I was abused quite badly by females in my life for many years as a kid. That lead me to not understanding how I was allowed to have boundaries for myself, and was victimized many times by women as an adult, which is still something I work on in my forties. Violence and hatred are something I am very aware of and it has disgusted me since I was little. I don’t back down from aggression, and I think people can read that I’m pretty much forcing them to beat me to death if they start anything, but I don’t really feel much anger, and the last time I punched someone was in grade nine. I don’t feel violently, towards people, but I expect it from them unfairly sometimes. I find I often actually OVER like women quite often, since I can see by comparison how much better human beings they are than the ones I grew up with.

    • “Do you have any idea of the pain and trauma that being hurt by another human being causes?”

      We do.
      Men are still disproportionately effected by workplace accidents, hospitalizations, homelessness, violent crime, disease, debt, alcoholism, drug addiction, incarceration (and subsequent, unreported rape), and reduced life span. And the numbers aren’t even close.

      You believe, but will never admit, that men must simply deal with those things without complaining. That’s how its always been. If the roles were reversed, you’d be enraged. And you expect empathy from our gender, though you expect us to remain stoic when we undergo our own trials.

      At the current rate, one HALF of all newborn boys on Long Island will be born with autism by 2050.

  7. Two days ago a feminist radical played a nasty trick on me. I really wanted to buy something she was advertising and she asked me to confirm that I would meet her in a parking lot between a coffee shop and a gas station near a busy intersection. I rushed to get there on time after missing the bus I wanted to use; she never showed. Apparently she was unsatisfied with how I worded my response. She emailed me later and stated her suspicions about me while twisting my words. She also said her boyfriend was a cop and told her not to meet me for her own safety. If she really believed I would try to hurt her in broad daylight in full view of dozens of people she’s not only wrong, she’s incredibly stupid. She denied me what I wanted to buy, wasted my bus fare and about two hours of my time.

    I was and still am livid. I posted about my experience on Kijiji (without naming names) and said that women in general lost points with me because of that, that I no longer wanted to do them any favors or even help an injured one laying in the street because they might assume I’m a violent criminal. Naturally I was silenced within the day. I was wary of women to begin with because of all this feminist crap, now my opinion of women in general has dropped several thousand feet. If any of those lunatics actually has me arrested on suspicion, I’ll sue her and the cop(s), teach ’em a lesson.

    Apologies to the few good women, I’m not blaming you. Make an effort to prove you’re worthy of respect and I’ll give you a fair shake.

    • This is the most ridiculous story i’ve ever seen! Don’t worry Chap you carry on in your isolationist world, I think we’ll manage without you!

  8. Brain structures of men and women have nothing to do with rape, the topic “rape and abuse on humans” is about culture and society, whatever structure your brain takes, and however alike your brain is to your opposite gender, is irrelevant to abuses on men or women, seeing as things we do is generally effected by the society and culture. Clementine said, “[rape is] part of [the rapist’s] character… [they] believe they are entitled to use women’s bodies against their will, to dominate and hurt women for their own gratification.” and when she said the word “believe”, she means “they were taught to believe by culture and society”, in case you are too brainless to notice that. Therefore your argument on the women brain and men brain is bullshit, just like your whole article.
    Also, do some research before you post all your prejudiced and pathetic talk over the place. Women abuse rates ARE higher than men abuse, and I’m not saying we should ignore the men abuse (for abuse to all genders are disgusting and intolerable) but maybe that is why people focus on cases of female abuse more????? However you talk like female abuse is nothing and we shouldn’t care about it and we should put all our attention into men abuse even if women all over the world are getting hurt by disgusting heartless scum, just like men, and in fact, more women being hurt than men. Shouldn’t you count the humankind as a whole and stop trying to enlarge the difference of the two genders and seek to protect the abuse of both genders if you are against feminists siding with females? Especially when you are claiming that female brains are not very different from male brains? It is surprising to see you being so determined to ignore the abuse on women, caring so much for the other gender being abused. Or is this just an excuse to showoff your intelligence and decency? Well, it worked the opposite way. And consider, with your tiny, probably as non existent brain, males are generally physically stronger than females, which is the main why the society gives more care and empathy to abused women. (The society should also care more for abuse on men, when men all over the world are in pain.) Also, women have been abused for centuries and centuries in history, especially in some countries like India and China. And in those cases, no males were abused by women, because the completely patriarchy society banned any woman to have more value than a servant or a slave. I bet that society is your heart’s desire, where men abusing women is supposed to be, where women are like treated like slaves. In case you haven’t noticed, the behavior in this society of men and women is not because their brain structures are different, because as you said, women and men’s brain structures are almost the same. But this is decided by the society and culture, which depressed women rights and encourages patriarchy. (This again, proves your argument on the brains bullshit.) That society of extreme patriarchy. You may see that that society is not great, where laws and the country itself is weak and immature, you can search up examples of these kind of countries, and I assure you that, except for female abuse, there will be a lot more problems in that society. You may see that countries nowadays where patriarchy is extreme does not develop well, their thoughts and culture are from the old days, which they did not update, along with their intelligence and humanity. In these countries, women were taught that, “Men are supposed to thirst for vaginas, so you have to protect yourself well (which is why for example, women in India are supposed to cover themselves with fabric so that the men don’t see them), and if you don’t, it’s your own fault that you got raped.” Well too bad, because when you are about to be abused by a piece of scum that is about two times physically stronger than you, and when the whole society is telling you that men are supposed to have sexual needs and you should have covered yourself better, you can’t just be like, “Oh, I don’t want to get raped, thank you” and walk away! In that society they teach girls to cover themselves up to not get raped, instead of teaching boys that they cannot use their physical advantages to use women’s bodies against their wills.
    A society is strong where people respect people, where prejudiced scumbags like you are dead.
    The title of this disgusting article is called “The Uncomfortable Truth About Rape”. But it seems like you are just taking this chance to victim-blame and defend rapists, and also make everyone vomit at your article. Uncomfortable truth? I bet it is surprisingly comfortable for YOU to say that rapists only rape because the woman deserved it.
    Blaming women for being raped is despicable and intolerable. Studies show, rapists choose the victims that appear to them as “weak and incapable of defending themselves”, and what you are saying is, all rapists rape women because they abused them before, and the men want to revenge. That. Is. The most PATHETIC shit I have EVER heard. I’m sorry, but Clementine IS fucking right, and you are using this your non-relevant statics to victim-blame and defend the rapists. Your article is what disgusting and heartless rapists use to defend and comfort themselves: “I raped that woman because she triggered me, which makes me rightful to rape her”, and “I abused her because she was dressing like a slut”. Also, you ignored the circumstances when a female that did not trigger the rapist and was not dressing in a “inappropriate” way (By the way, she is allowed to wear whatever the hell she wants to wear, without being abused and hurt brutally. Statics show, rapists selects the girls that they consider weak and defenseless as their victims, not the victims that trigger their sexual needs.) was raped. Yes, that other 7% of the cases. I wonder what loathsome bullshit you are going to come up with this time.
    All rapists are extremely selfish, cruel, brutal, heartless, worthless scum, they deserve no empathy. Abhorrent how you defend the rapists and make excuses for them commiting the unforgivable crime that they committed, while accusing the feminists for being ignorant and inconsiderate and prejudice when they are actually trying to protect the the people that got hurt.

    • *Cracks knuckles* Alright, firstly I’m a male rape survivor.
      The principle arguments you based your comment on appear to be: Stop blaming women for making rapists, only including “male” statistics, and it’s how society is the contributing factor and not the brain structure.

      On the subject of blaming women… She isn’t, she’s blaming rapists who happen to be female for influencing the male counterpart’s rape(s) and somewhat explaining how the rapist’s gender is a factor in the rapes the victim enact. Yes, it is an extraordinarily stupid thing to do but after being emotionally broken by what they see as all women, they do tend to get revenge happy. This is true for both genders by the way.

      Secondly, only Male statistics. Females have 99 female only trauma centers in the us whilst males have 0. Your “girls get raped more” is the exact reason absolutely no males are being treated. Besides the 1 in 4 women statistic is incredibly flawed as when using the same method of obtaining those statistics, 1 in 5 males are raped, not including the “patriarchy’s” conditioning that leads us to believe we are to shut up about being raped or even to believe that we cannot be raped at all. On top of all this, feminazis (not actual feminists) parade around chanting about all women’s problems but the minute any males get together to talk about their problems, they’re labeled as a terrorism group by people seeking “Equality”. Believe me, it’s happened more than I can count and every time someone like you pretends to be the person in the right whilst demeaning male victims. We don’t want to steal the thunder, we just want to be recognised for what happens to us like you do.

      *Sigh* Alright next is how society is to blame. This is, to your credit, the most intelligent thing you’ve said in your entire comment. That is because it’s largely true, but what the article was pointing out is that it is indeed society’s fault and was indicating that society is not only teaching girls “don’t get raped”, but boys too. All this article is attempting to do is get other authors on feminist sites to include females in that “don’t rape” discussion as well.

      If I’ve forgotten something or you wish to rebuts a statement just respond to the comment and I’ll get a notification.

      You know, after fact checking this with my gf we’ve come to the conclusion that you are indeed the one with the prejudices not the author… This is coming from two actual feminists.

    • Nothing in this article was defending rape of any kind. The article’s premise derives from the statement that rape is wrong in all forms. The only rape currently being punished is male on female rape, but that rape of all forms should be reported and punished.

      No rape is acceptable and feminists protect no one. If you are helping victims, that means they have already been victimized. Therefore if you truly want to save women or men or anyone, you need to foster feelings of cooperation and healthy relationships between people with differences.

      This means being a humanist – All humans deserve to have equal opportunities and to be free of a life of violence and hate.

    • I’m a bisexual male with a diagnosed genetic mental health condition. I am disabled, and unable to work. Years before I was diagnosed, I was raped by a female supervisor. I was doing dishes in the back of a Long John Silver’s, when a female coworker pulled down my pants, while another shoved a plunger into my anus. The cramped spacing of the back room, coupled with the fact that I was pushed against the sink, made resisting more difficult. Essentially, I was unable to stop them from accomplishing their goal of sodomizing me with a plunger handle. Sure, I was able to brush them off, and get my pants back up. But I then had to work, for the rest of the day, with people that had just shoved a plunger handle up my ass. Sure, they didn’t gain sexual gratification out of doing this. But they had treated me with indignity and disrespect. They had violated my sense of privacy.

      This qualifies the legal definition for rape. Not sexual harassment or ‘assault’ that amounts to a brush of your chest in a hug. No, this was full on unwanted penetration by my boss and a coworker.

      Nobody has ever expressed sympathy to me. I have shared my story, and most of the time, it is not believed. I have never received a penny in compensation, a single shred of compassion, and nobody has ever held my story as a call against violence against men by women.

      Guess what; it happens. I’m living, walking proof of that. I’m the evidence you refuse to acknowledge.

      Years later, when my inability to work left me homeless, I didn’t get preferential shelter treatment. Go ahead and google search “Homeless shelter”. Tell me how many in your area are for women only.

      I had to sleep on the sidewalk, in a rainstorm, because of my gender. I was refused tax-payer counseling for trauma, because of my gender. Yet, somehow this world was built me for. Somehow, I am the source of all that is evil in this world. At least according to modern feminism.

      I posted on a popular feminist publication’s social media posting of an article about rape, sharing my story. I didn’t even say anything other than what happened. Women jumped on me, and attacked me, calling me a liar. They said I was a male using my ‘privilege’ to make someone else’s story about myself. So, women are allowed to share *their* stories on the page, and they are heroes. But me? I’m a monster. A villain.

      You use pejorative, highly aggressive, and emotionally charged language that masks the point you’re attempting to convey. I will concede that you may have a perspective on this issue that can add value, and perhaps you have edits of merit to make. However, until you learn to respect other people, I wouldn’t expect to receive anything resembling an open reception to your ideas.

      Thanks for reading, and have a good day.

    • Out of curiosity, Where do the state that we should focus all our attention of male victims? And where in the artical are they guilty of victim blameing?

    • Same old pathetic feminist whitewash. Blameless,guiltless, clueless. You can fool some of the people some of the time but, women, feminists in particular are experts at fooling everyone, especially themselves, all of the time. Aren’t there enough sites where feminists of both genders can get together, hold hands, and hate men? Your days as a hate group are numbered. Much in the way Scientology is being exposed for its militant ideology, and strong handed tactics by members to enforce its agenda. So to are feminists and feminist groups alike slowly but surely being exposed as the right wing group of man haters they are. I know this is against everything you’ve ever been led to fool yourself into believing but, violence is not a gender specific crime. It makes me sick when all social violence is still considered a crime against women, even to the exclusion of children. According to feminists violence against men is still of course considered “impossible”. For feminists, sharing responsibility for social violence breaks down into a number of undesired consequences. 1, powerful, influential feminist lobbyist groups would lose power and funding towards women’s only interests. 2, cases of child custody, child support and, more often than not unsubstantiated allegations of spousal abuse by fathers would not be such open and shut decisions in family court anymore. 3, women could no longer hide behind the guiltless facade they’ve enjoyed for so VERY long. To name only a few. I myself will be lobbying for the documentary “The Red Pill” to be shown in theatres near me. I’m sure you and your nazi sisterhood will do everything in your power to prevent this long awaited truth from being shown as they succeeded in doing in Australia.

  9. Ok, so I find this interesting. For the subject of rape, women and men’s brains are nearly identical. Yet for education, apparently they are sufficiently differentiated that women are unsuited for STEM? Why the logical contortions to prove a point if it is so obvious. I’m not entirely sure what the purpose of this blog is, other than to gain (financial)support from gullible men’s rights activists.

    • I believe the reason women are doing worse in education is because of you, other men, and women. If we assume that women can’t do well in their studies because they haven’t done well in their studies and thus are innately inferior, and we articulate that opinion loudly and clearly, then we find a huge gap. Women don’t believe they can do well, so they don’t. Men believe they can’t do well, so they stop them. The main problem is the lack of confidence. If you’re told over and over that you won’t do well, as a child, as a teenager, as an adult, through representations in media, through statistics that are profoundly affect by culture, and through others, than you won’t.

      • 60% of college graduates are now women. Substantial effort and money has been invested in the early education of females in the STEM fields. This has not resulted in a substantial increase ibn female participation in STEM employment. The feminists who earn a degree in Womens Studies and then complain that there are not enough female engineers are part of the problem. Less males now go to college, and men are being excluded from their chosen fields of study because of feminist quotas. In Sweden, they have suspended affrimative action in higher education because it was preventing females from pursuing their chosen fileds of medicine, psychology, social work and education due to having to maintain an even balance. This all seemed fine when men were being held out of engineering, but when women are affected negatively by their own special treatment it had to be stopped. 85% of primary education teachers are women, and blind studies in Britain and Canada have shown that teachers (interestingly both male and female) marked down work an average of 15% based on the gender of the student being male, as opposed to being unrevealed. Even primary school boys knew this was happening and were able to accurately predict a change in their marks based on the teacher knowing their gender.
        Men believe that women refuse to compete on an even playing field with men. Instead you need “men” or “government” to come to your rescue, negotiate your pay and oversee your relationships with men (especially in the workplace). Meantime, men have problems too. We know women don’t care and we will be openly scorned and derided for even telling our story. Yep, feminism is about equal rights for all… unless you happen to be male, cause it’s your fault for being part of the patriarchy.!

  10. As a girl/woman who came from China, I strongly suggest you to live in China. As most of men and women think the same thing as you. Girls got raped? Of course it is the girl fault. If the girl wear proper clothes/don’t drink alcohol/not a slut, how could she be raped, right?How to solve it? Just kill the girl to protect the honor, so easy.

    I still don’t know why the so many women in U.S. who allowed to have education still eager to support anti-feminism. If you really dislike feminism, India/China/Any Arabic countries are perfect choice to immigrate. Nobody could stop you from considering yourself as a slave/slut/disposable machine whose function is to give birth to child.

    • She isn’t against feminism, she simply wants males to be represented as well as females by highlighting the problems males face so as to bring them to light. Besides, no one here is disagreeing with first, second or third wave feminism bitch.

      ~An actual fucking feminist.

      • “She isn’t against feminism” what a crock! This article appears on the website “women against feminism” and basically it’s argument appears to be that men get raped too, so apparently women shouldn’t complain about it.

    • Being Chinese I do not think that it is the victims’ fault if they were raped… Rape literally means it wasn’t consensual.

  11. A very good read.

    I think many of the other commenters here have either missed the point or came here purposely to cause argument. It’s a shame to see most commenters also fall back on ad hominem assaults instead of rational argument.

    The article clearly does not say “female rape is unimportant”, it is simply raising the issue that “male rape exists too, and is also under-reported”.

    All rape is equally important, even if one type occurs more often than the other. The sex of the people involved should not colour the situation, a man claiming rape should be taken just as seriously as a woman claiming rape, both should be taken seriously and any cases should be handled cautiously and based on evidence to ensure rightful convictions and avoid wrongful convictions.

  12. Never read so much bullshit in one article. I’ve never met a woman who was not constantly somehow abused by males throughout her life every single day. Meanwhile I’ve met only one guy who was raped as a child (by another guy). Even most teenage males are physically more stronger and violent than an average grown up woman and you want us to believe men are the victim of such abuse on daily basis. Which planet do you live on?

    • Understand that there are 1.2 million men in prison in the U.S., where male rape is commonplace. Rape is a fact of life for men, even though the perpetrator may be another male. There are about 300,000 females in prison in the US, and I assume that some women are also the victims of other females. As hard as it may be to believe, men are satistically MORE LIKELY to be the victim of sexual violence than women (due to a male OR female perpetrator). I’m sure you have never heard these statistics, feminists purposely don’t acknowledge or publicize them. This is the planet we both live on… #Feminismishate

  13. What I got from this article was that you are an ignorant piece of shit that perpetuates rape. According to your article, men rape because women abused them first. That doesn’t excuse their actions. That’s like me slapping you then you slap somebody else but it’s okay since I did it to you first. This might be the weakest argument I have ever seen.

  14. @Sally, @Andrew, @Yin, you made an incredible number of points that were supposedly in “response” to the article above but at no point seemed to actually understand the article or cite why you believed the article was saying what you kept claiming it said. At no point did the author imply that female rape/abuse was “nothing.” At no point did the author claim that women were to blame for being victimized by abusive men. At no point did the author defend rapists or rape culture. At no point was STEM or women’s suitability to participate in it mentioned. At no point did the author in any way condone the violence that it perpetrated on women throughout the world. The claim you made that the author has a “tiny, probably as [sic] non existent brain,” the accusation that the author is trying “to gain (financial)support from gullible men’s rights activists,” and the suggestion that the author considers themself “as a slave/slut/disposable machine whose function is to give birth to child,” are reprehensible and should be called out for what they truly are–abusive.

    The point the author is trying to make is that until the culture as a whole realizes that this is not as simple as all men are bad and all women need to rise up against the evil male oppressors, then the dialogue is stuck in a circle that will never move forward to the goal that we all clearly share–the end of rape, violence, and abuse in our society. However, there are those of us who would like to see violence/rape/abuse acknowledge and someday ended not JUST towards women but also towards men. That cannot be accomplished while all men are being treated as predators, when male victims of female violence/rape/abuse are treated as if they don’t exist, and while no one is willing to acknowledge that some of the mental illness that is present in the predatory male population is directly related to psychological damage that has been inflicted by abusive women.

    I have seen the actual points that were made in this article first hand. I was abused by my wife for many years. I didn’t speak to anyone about it because I was too scared of what she would do. She did everything in her power to isolate me from friends and family and make me believe that I was worthless. She worked hard to convince me that I deserved the pain that she was causing me because I was to blame for her mental problems, and my young sons deserved to be exposed to her violence and rage so she could ensure they didn’t turn out like me.

    Speaking to a coworker one day, he helped me realize that this was not how “normal” women treat their husbands. So I began seeking information and help for my situation only to find there was none. I found countless articles that implied that only women could be victims of abuse. I spoke to therapists who were quick to ask me what I was doing to cause her to treat me this way. One day I tried calling the police during one of her rage episodes. When they came to my house they refused to speak to me but instead pulled her to the side and asked her if I had hurt her or was threatening to hurt her and if she feared for her safety. When I took my children and went to a friends house while she was being violent one night, I was called the next day by a therapist she had called, who in turn threatened me with legal action. Ultimately, I was raped one night. I was too afraid to call the police because of how they had responded in the past. When I called a rape hotline, I was told that it is physically impossible for a man to be raped by a woman. When I contacted an attorney, I was told my best bet was to just stay put and do my best to avoid being in that situation again until I could save up enough for a separation and divorce.

    The truth is, there are women who are abused by men, men who are abused by women, women who are abused by women, and men who are abused by men. If there is every truly going to be equality, there needs to be honest dialogue. There needs to be a truly open-minded acknowledgement that abuse/rape/violence is not just a male problem–it is a HUMAN problem that must be combated regardless of the predator’s or victim’s race, gender, orientation, age, or religion. Yes a CDC report published in 2014 showed that 60% of women have been victims of domestic violence while “only” 40% of men have, but that only shows that women report it more often than men and literally provides no information at all about how often it actually occurs. I believe that those number, as close as they are, might be even closer if men were not taught to fear reporting it by a biased legal system, ridiculed about it within male culture, and blamed for it by female culture. It is precisely the fact that “in general men are physically stronger than women” that abusive women feel justified in becoming physically violent toward men, and using that argument to defend why society is more sympathetic to the plight of women is offensive and morally equivalent to justifying rape by saying “women bring rape upon themselves by the way they dress.”

    Isn’t it time that we all had a voice? Isn’t it time that we all stopped perpetuating the problem by responding to abuse with abuse while hiding under the mantle of this “ism” or that one? Isn’t it time we truly join together, truly heard each other, and truly start working towards real solutions instead of blindly blaming someone else and making it everyone’s responsibility except our own?

  15. I feel hurt that i can be raped by women and they get away with it.it is not a joke.women must learn to control their sexual desires,and try to be more patient and saavy to their defenseless male partners.there are laws to protect men from lawless advances.please protect us men!!!!!!

  16. @ Sally, Yin Zhang
    Your comments are completely off topic. I suggest you to read the article again before posting such a crap and such insults.
    This article just describes the fact that feminism does the contrary of what it claims to do. Concerning the rape-issue, feminism actually reinforce gender based stereotypes instead of challenging them, which of course is devastating for gender equality. Even if many of those stereotypes originate from patriarchy which used to claim that men should be strong enough to defend themselves against any female aggressor, feminism does not reject those ideals. Unfortunately that’s something that patriarchy and feminism has in common and the combination of patriarchy and feminism results in a completely stereotyped way of thinking about sexual assaults and rapes.
    The mass media are very biased about this topic. The question if men or women are stronger the stronger ones, is not the point any more. According to most mass media men usually are always willing to have sex, so if a woman looks attractive, she actually cannot rape him, because he anyways wants to have sex any time. Men are always prejudged to be the ones who anyways want sex and there is no need to consider that it might not be true. That’s the real reason why male rape is completely ignored almost all over the world.
    It’s a simple fact that rapists became like this because in the past they have been victims of rape too. So, this problem will continue if the society will continue ignoring men who were raped. The only long lasting solution against rape is stopping the ignorance of male rape victims.
    I’ve never seen a men’s right activist who denies that women can be a victim of rape, so women who really want equality should support them instead of being against them! It will be a big challenge for our generation to focus more on male rape victims who were raped by women. Women who seriously want equality actually shouldn’t hesitate to condemn crimes which are committed by women.

  17. Feminism. I thought it was meant to support being feminine, and promote equality.
    The truth is, it’s a sexist hate group. So many women love being themselves, doing what they want to please their man, or have some sexy fun with their male friends. But, along comes the Feminist, to try to convince then that there is something wrong with that, and they shouldn’t be allowed to be attractive to men, or have any of that fun, even to the point of creating the mindset that if you are just a “housewife” and not the CEO of some corporation, you have wasted your life, and are worth much less in the eyes of society.
    Pure Bunk.
    Go do what you want to do, but let each woman do as she pleases. It doesn’t make a fuck what anybody does, as long as makes them happy, and isn’t hurting someone.
    I love jogging in my tight shorts, my sports bra, and getting those little peeks and smiles from men I meet. I love hot tub parties, nude beaches, massage parties, modeling, clubbing, and wearing as little as possible wherever I go. Why? Because guys love it, and I LOVE IT.
    And I don’t give a shit if it hair-lips the Pope, all you women with social and mental man-hate issues can leave me and others like me(I have lots of hot female friends) the fuck alone, and go be a miserable shut-in somewhere else.
    For some people, this world is never gonna be right. That’s where you will find people who were taught that traditional gender roles are “demeaning”, “beneath you”, or “degrading”.
    Some of us think the world rocks, and we’re gonna go play in it. You Femi-nazi’s can go commiserate somewhere else. We’re tired of your shit.

  18. It’s not really fair to expect men to understand where boundaries are when most women don’t have them themselves.

    I don’t blame them, but our generation received a poor job of being taught about appropriate sexual boundaries. On the one hand, magazines and schools may have informed us about the need for respect and appropriate values. But it was largely girls who were informed, and not males.

    I do remember being taught that we need to respect boys’ sexual boundaries as well, by my teen magazine of all places. But I didn’t get the impression that boys really received any mutual education.

    Meanwhile, the escalation of party and raunch culture, and liberalisation of sexuality, led to people forgetting the boundaries they had learned. It was assumed we were all in on the fun and no harm was being done.

    In my opinion, boys are never properly educated about their sexuality. Feminism often emphasizes girls explore their sexuality in a healthy way, to understand themselves, but boys never receive the same education. They are taught that as males they have an insatiable sexuality, and that is fine – but they must draw the line at sexual assault, with no clear knowledge of what that is. How then are they supposed to know correct boundaries.

    Also rapists of adult women need to be treated the same as other criminals. It is treated by society as the one unforgivable crime. But it’s certainly not worse than genocide, massacre , murder or rape. To be blunt, they cannot understand their own behaviour because the point of view of rapists is taboo. But if they don’t understand the behaviour that led them to these actions, they can never understand what they have done, repent and reform.

    IMO, it was feminism’s job to educate men about these things, and they failed to do so. The current generation of feminists need to make themselves accountable for feminism’s past if they want to change people’ view of them. But there isn’t any healthy discussion about feminism’s flaws within the movement, or any precedence for feminists to apologize, so there is so much they need to do if they want to clear up the problems they have created.

  19. As a male, I observe the societies where men’s status in society is under attack and those societies where men’s status remains significantly higher than the status of women. The difference that I see: technology. In technologically advanced societies, men’s relatively primitive skills (brute strength, aggression, certain spacial/perceptual abilities) become less important. Technology renders male skills unimportant and allows women to succeed with their higher level skills (especially people skills, language and multi-tasking). Thus, females gradually overtake the males and, ironically, come to hold the declining males in low regard. Males, fearing loss of status, fight back in the only ways they can, but this brings them in conflict with the laws of an advanced civilization, further harming their status — its a no-win situation. In a less-developed society, there is less technology to make life easier, so males are still needed to provide for and protect women and families. The men in those societies press their advantage by further holding the women down by denying them opportunities (e.g., education, equal rights under the laws). I have expected that men in advanced societies might react to loss of status by destroying the technology (electric grid, distribution system for goods and services, law enforcement) that have relegated them to a lowly position. We will have to wait and see if this might occur. As for rape, the author is correct: Most males are not rapists, but in advanced societies we are limited in responding both by our reduced position, being labeled as bad guys, and by our antagonisms with women. We cannot take the law into our own hands, but in a society where vigilante justice is an option, most men would gladly descend upon rapists and re-take our traditional position as protectors of women. Right now, such men are just trying to get by without losing their jobs or being sued due to some alleged wrongdoing against women. They let government handle it, and that appears to women as if the men don’t care. We do, but we have our own struggles now.

  20. I think the article kinda misses the mark with regards to rape. Shifting the victim from female to male does not really address rape, but rather, it only addresses the feminists tendency to view rape exclusively as a female issue.

    Most of what is considered rape these days is a product of female perspectives rooted in patriarchal tradition, ie. Women’s inhibitions about having sex. More specifically, the difference between violent, aggravated rape (very small percentage), vs date rape and unwanted sexual attention (the driver of the statistic that 1 in 4 women suffer rape). Saving oneself for marriage is patriarchal. Waiting to have sex with a new male counterpart is rooted in a patriarchal perspective of retaining value. A true matriarchal approach would have it that women would not refuse sex, but would celebrate their own sexuality, using sex to create and strengthen relationships, and ease tensions in society created by competition. The woman would be just as likely to initiate the sex as the male. Thus, on a first date the answer would not be no … it would be a given yes provided that the interaction is cordial, it would be a given, as likely initiated by the woman as the man.

    Take all that off the table, and you are left with a very statistically small criminal element, where rape has nothing to do with sex, but psychiatric elements such as murder.

    If feminist want to change the world, they will have to ditch the patriarchal tendency of sexual inhibition. Otherwise, they will find themselves competing on a patriarchal playing field where they are destined to lose.

  21. I am a 57 year old male. I married for the first time a couple of months short of 48. My wife was 42. I expressed before marriage “I didn’t have much interest in sex.” My wife, in response, communicated the same. We had sex a couple months after married. The desire to have sex was upon her request (although she claims we had intercourse before marriage, of which have absolutely no memory, believe it was/is attempt to gaslight). I was reluctant but did so for her. The commencement of sexual relations quickly degenerated into coercion/rape. I became aware of being asexual not long after sex became part of the relationship. The following are excerpts plucked out of the story of my experience:

    Descent into Hell (totality of text under subtitle)
    I uprooted from my home country and went to live in hers. The first few months of marriage passed by without sex. It was normal – no sex before and none after. Then, my wife asked for us to make love. I was nervous, did not wish it, but said OK. I got on top, but lacked any sort of interest, could not perform (hate that word!). With a couple more aborted efforts, she thereafter took the top in our sexual encounters. But, no matter, my private part remained relatively flat, hardly flexibly rubber-like at best (despite manipulation) and nothing emanated from it – yet minimally made to penetrate achieved – throughout enveloping encounters.

    This quickly escalated to me passive aggressively avoiding sex. I would fall asleep at night before she did – or pretend I was asleep. I would get up in the morning before her. She would beg me to come back to bed or arouse me from sleep/pretense at night. I would stuff my private parts between my legs while in bed (something I wasn’t aware I was doing until I was triggered into consciousness – still don’t know the spark responsible). I would try to avoid her sexual “amorousness” by raising myself up and like a spider to move away. It was a small bed. She would, of course, succeed in cornering me. (At this point, I would like to admit my obliviousness how sleeping without clothes would make me immediately more defenseless – or, in victim-blaming parlance, asking for it. I had slept naked for most of my life and it did not occur to me at the time – only upon long after reflection – that doing so increased my vulnerability). She would ask me to show my private parts. When I didn’t, she would forcibly pry my legs open. Albeit with struggle, I would tend to relent in her attempts under repeating pleading words, “please, please(!)…” softening, breaking my resistance like a mortar barrage before a marauding takeover. (With all words, to make sex happen, she would communicate I was depriving her, make me feel guilty). My legs parted, the next phase of the struggle commenced, her hands would go to my privates and I would confront them with my hands to stave off. It became a ludicrous spaghetti-like intermingling and twisting arm-wrist fight. I would at all times lose in her desire for copulation – coercive success – she would get her way. After first couple of times, rather than remaining noncommitally grunt-like when she asked me how it was after sex, I would tell her I didn’t feel anything, or even that it wasn’t enjoyable. She would ask me if there is anything she could do. I told her I don’t know. It is not her. It’s me. I am just not interested in it (sex). She would plead for me to move during intercourse, but I felt dead. I would respond with several anemic barely noticeable “thrusts” hoping it would be enough to silence the begging. She wasn’t getting the message. I heard several times during the humpings, “I want your semen” raspily breathed, words and baritone chiseled into my mind, soul, feeling of guilt, fear, voice that surfaces like a circulating virus, haunts me still.

    I remember one time the television was on when intercourse was about to commence and how thankful I felt. I tried to watch it over her shoulders – even a glimpse brought relief – attempting to block out what was happening. Another time, she insisted on sex despite the fact I was near comatose state, being so sleepy. I fell asleep during the commission of it and when I woke up she was still at it. Still another time, she coaxed me back to bed in the morning by repetitively haranguing me to make love to her because it had been too long. As usual, I relented even though I was just about to eat breakfast and was ravenously hungry. I argued with her vehemently, not wanting to do it, but she kept pleading, pleading, pleading… During the course of the act, I asked her if we could please stop. My stomach was growling so loudly – deafening really. Her thrusts were painful and her body pressing down, crushingly heavy as lead. The continuous gnawing intermixed with the usual deadening numbness. I told her I was hungry. She said to me “just a little more time.” (The words are not what she would say if she believed I was hungry for sex (see sub-heading “Truth-seeking extolling obsession” below)). About 40 minutes later, she was finished. It was an ordeal that seemed like a torturous lifetime. I was famished. I rampaged the tiny one room apartment for food.

    Excerpted (partial) under subtitle “Realization”
    I informed my wife that I was asexual and offered divorce tentatively. I say tentatively because I had a feeling she would react strongly against that prospect. I was correct in my assessment. She would hear nothing of a parting of ways. Although I wished such a clean cut, I thought compromisingly (in response to her opposition to separation), maybe, open communication about my now more clearly viewed past/experiences, educating her about asexuality and really trying to drive home the point that, at root, it isn’t about her, it’s about me (the latter, though my communications reflected, it was, in reality, I knew, not so. Coercion had made it about her too – all so very muddy) may make headway. She didn’t say much in my flood of words to elicit understanding. Communication was more like monologue despite my efforts to engage in making it otherwise. She would later say I was too direct with her, that if I had spoken in metaphors she would have understood much better (read: the rape occurred because of my lack of poetic indirectness!! I am seduced by the literary beautifying power of language, love writing poetry, and can be moved to adorn my speech quite eloquently, but I have to explain my metaphors to her. We have different native tongues and misinterpret direct language, not to mention otherwise!) She would express later that it was as a result of “defensive” or “protective” (can’t recall which of the two adjectives used) “mechanism” as to why she wasn’t listening to me (blocking my words out, too painful to hear). In my attempts of educationally engaging her through technology, the furthest I got was a grudging (like a cat to water) couple minute view of AVEN. All the words for naught and trying to elicit awareness – not a thing had changed – the coercive begging continued but was stepped up with deception. Her wish for me to come to bed many times included, in response to my expression of not wanting sex, the disarming promise that she will not pursue intercourse. She invariably broke her promise…

    Had Enough (totality of text under subtitle)
    We had to move in with her parents. Her father had lung cancer. The need to care for him was beyond her mother’s capacity. It was during this time where she came to me in bed, as many times before, to mount me. This time I broke. I turned away from her brusquely and said “NO!!” really loudly. In response, she quickly leapt out of bed and began angrily yelling how I could possibly deny her like that (to such effect, cannot remember her words). Tears were rolling down her face – a waterfall I had never observed from anyone. I had never seen her so emotional, so upset – a complete and utter breakdown, it seemed, and it scared me. I got my way – no sex that night. The next night things went differently. She again approached me for sex. She mounted and prepared me for penetration. I had no desire to put up with the emotional volcano I had experienced the night previous. I thus emitted a whiny feeble “no,” but to no avail. I put up no physical resistance to the enveloping. During the entire act, my hands were clenched tightly with indescribable rage. It was the most surreal feeling and it is palpably like it happened just yesterday. I felt that with every second that ticked away, anger was flooding into my bloodstream, suffusing, transfusing, my entire being with every humping motion. Sex with her was never physically rough. For me, uncomfortable (well, physically rough, admittedly, being coerced to have sex when extremely hungry or sleepy could be considered physically harsh experiences, but nothing like manifest bodily injuries that many survivors endure) most of the time, yes, and always unwanted – scarring in every other sense, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. The mo(u)rning after, I told her that she raped me. She would at first deny that she heard my “no,” then yes she heard, then no, then unsure, then finally consistent admission, yes, she heard.

    I embrace the word rape. It is seen by some (or, perhaps, even many) as a politically incorrect term, in contradistinction to acceptable description sexual assault. Rape, as a word, is emotionally powerful. After telling her what she did, sex blessedly ceased in our marriage. The word, as accusation, helped I believe. But, with the accusation, trust forever went out the window, for I never knew whether the violations would have ever ended without the loaded guttural gun I pointed at her head in trying to force some kind of recognition – attempt to put an end to the violence (I feel odd using that word in relation to body – violation yes – but, despite the obvious relationship linguistically and in macabre dance, violence?? Truth be told to self , though, that is what it was/is. Violence has done injury – and corrupted – my soul AND body. I have always holistically believed that the living body cannot be separated from the soul, and so the logic is irrefutable). My sense is that push-and-pull dysfunction would have continued, with force being an ever-present threat/reality. Thundering “rape” ended the enveloping – most invasive – abuse while also ending any semblance of relationship.

  22. God gave men and women different jobs, men were to provide and lead and women were to mother and follow. Satan, through feminism, has fought hard to destroy us all by convincing women men got the better deal and that they need to fight to take it from us. Men, always more interested in making women happy so they can get laid, rolled over like dogs and gave them whatever they demanded.

    No fault divorce took away any responsibility women had legally for their actions within a marriage. Legalized abortion took away any responsibility women had in choosing sexual partners. Alimony took away any motivation women had in working to preserve their marriage and gave them financial security while on a seemingly endless hunt for the bigger better deal. And now we have the legalized pussification of our male children enforced by our school system and our colleges.

    I for one do not agree with the anti marriage men’s organizations that are sprouting up in the U.S., because marriage was ordained by God and is essential if we are going to fix our nations problems. However, I do believe it is vital that we fight against the government, courts and feminist brain washing of the women we choose to marry. If we can’t find a way to bring back the same level of responsibility in our wife’s to our marriage that we bare ourselves than we as a nation are doomed.

    Right now the only real tool for this is a well written prenuptial agreement. One which denies alimony, decides assets fairly based upon fedelity and years of marriage, gives custody to both parents equally, covers roll expectations, and somehow has harsh financial penalties for both infidelity and or seeking a no fault divorce.

    If your bride won’t agree to be just as encumbered by the risk as you then you don’t have the right bride in the first place. As the bible says, and I’m paraphrasing here, a man and wife should be evenly yoked; meaning they both pull the same weight and they do it together as a team.

    If men and women in this country can’t find a way back to being men and women instead of feminist and the male victims of feminism then I’d say stop marrying American women. There are millions of very loving and traditional women all over the world that would gladly sign a prenup to marry an American and move here to enjoy the freedoms American women have that they can’t even dream about in their countries.

    Eventually, even the most whipped “feminist” males will get tired of begging for sex and affection from their masculine fen-nazi Dom’s and move on if they had a safe and affordable foreign bride option.

    We should never have kicked God out of our schools and courthouse. Without God we are left alone and as a nation follow all too often whatever is the loudest voice. Right now, that voice is feminism and victim politics. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to bring back God? He invented marriage, maybe he might have a few good ideas on how to do it correctly?

    • Anon: I would disagree with your comment that American men should pursue relationships with women in other countries and bring those women to US. The problem for men in US is not with the women themselves but with the current American culture that poisons relationships between men and women. If you truly want a different kind of relationship than that found in the US, then a man should find that woman in another country and emigrate to live in her country. Only in a society that is conducive to harmony between men and women is it possible to have a satisfying relationship.

    • I hate what feminism has done to the intergender relationships, but I care even less about religious bullshit.

  23. Plenty of evidence exists to show that abusers have often suffered abuse themselves. To focus only on male violence against women while ignoring female violence against men is like removing half a tumour from the body of mankind while letting the other half grow back and then wondering why we can’t eradicate it from generation to generation.

  24. Easy to research.
    Fact #1: one of the main concerns for women today is being raped whether it be on campus, in the city, or anywhere else.
    Fact #2: One of the top sexual fantasies for American women is guess what? The rape fantasy.

    Speaks volumes.

  25. I thank you all for being in defense of men against the anti-male feminists! I have seen many arguments much like what was brought up and debunked in this article. When I did a search on female sex offenders there was many of them. I seen a image that also talked about female on female rape which says these anti-male females should adjust their points because it is inaccurate. Also I seen one image of a newspaper article where a woman forced two men to perform oral sex on her stinky vagina (possibly diseased too) at gunpoint. Their points are constantly proven wrong, but somehow all men are demonized simply for being born with a penis and testicles, and I am sure nobody was asked to choose a gender to be born as when born.

  26. This is possibly the most obscenely disgusting article it’s ever been my misfortune to come across on the internet. What is this?

    “Men are raped too. Therefore feminism is evil” That simply doesn’t make sense.

    “Men are also victims of rape. Therefore female victims shouldn’t make such a fuss” That makes no sense either.

    In which universe is it that feminists say men do not also suffer from rape? But in most of the cases of male rape I have ever heard of, the rapist was also a man. In the recent case of Brett Kavanaugh I read an article whose whole argument was that men should realise they are far more likely to be raped themselves than to be falsely accused of rape by a woman, and therefore they should be careful about identifying with Brett Kavanaugh rather than Christine Blasey-Ford.

    I don’t see why it should matter what the sex of the victim is, all rape is wrong. But trying to make out that feminism is the cause of the problem, or that rape is a problem that would be improved if the feminists stopped trying to support women is simply nuts!

    • Since all you feminists like to ask if I’m “really a woman” because I disagree with feminism, are YOU really a man?

  27. Wow, another website with its host of writers dedicated to misunderstanding and misrepresenting everything.
    Feminists absolutely support men who’ve been victimized and never do we argue it doesn’t happen. Point of fact: most sexual violence is perpetrated by men against women in what we coin “a rape culture.” Another point of fact: all rape is wrong.
    Stop pretending to be in our heads. Feminists do not subscribe to the narrow ideas you claim. We are not idiots. Poor moral arguing like this tends to make you one, though.

    • No honey, most sexual “violence” is just blown out of proportion by women. What you coin “microaggressions”. Smacking asses, gabbing titties, making lewd comments, etc. And if a woman does the same thing to a man, or even another woman, then it’s just “all in good fun” or “girls being girls” because women are always innocent victins. But women can be absolutely cruel to each other. But most reports of sexual violence are false accusations, and most REAL sexual violence is underreported. Idiots are the people who believe polls and surveys truly represent reality. Not that men don’t actually rape women, but I, as a woman, have been mostly assaulted by other women. Go ahead, ask if I’m really a woman. I fucking dare you. I AM a woman, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t, because feminists make me ashamed of my gender. Not men.

  28. What groups like this forget is that FEMINISM in countries outside the WEST are still concerned with issues such as: educating women, getting rights to women outside their husband’s control, allowing women to work, ensuring women are not prosecuted for reporting rapes among other issues.
    If you are against FEMINISM, then you are against these causes. It is only in countries where FEMINISM has reached its zenith that we as WOMEN and MEN, can turn around and spit on the ideals that give us these freedoms.
    Please do some research on Feminism outside your bubble, maybe you can save others from all your BS.

    • And what if I am against those causes? What if I believe in minding our own business, staying out of other countries, and letting other cultures follow their own traditions as long as they don’t bother us back home? Even at theif best, feminists are bad about sticking their noses where they don’t belong. As evidenced by all the feminists coming here to preach.

      • Then you’re against it. We’re not saying you can’t oppose us. The thing is though, that their traditions may be harmful to the women or the children growing up in that environment. From your statement, I’m guessing you live in a first world country so you can’t really speak for us. If you are from a third-world country, you aren’t experiencing what a lot of women here do experience, judging by your complete disregard of their suffering. I’m from a third-world country and though I grew up in a middle-class family, I can still see what other people are going through and it’s difficult because I can’t help them. I don’t have funds or people who can help our cause. I don’t agree with a lot of feminists but I do believe in what the word originally stood for. You are throwing all that in the face of the people that fought for your right to say that in the first place so sit down, shut up and let us help other women have the same goddamn rights as you.

        • Western interference causes a different class of harms. You may not be part of the problem yourself, but these harmful cultural traditions you speak of are too-often co-opted by American and Eurocentric governments as an excuse to maintain a heavy military and industrial presence. I don’t necessary disagree with your ambition to help women overcome adversity, but unfortunately, the benefactors of the most prominent humanitarian organizations are more interested in profiting on these woman. Feminists are rarely now the true revolutionaries they once were, but are now missionaries in a new era of colonialism. This will probably end unpleasantly for all involved. I simply encourage people to invest more in their local communities, protect and provide for their own families, regardless of age, race, sex, etc. I oppose modern feminism not so much because of the blatant misandry, but because I oppose globalism and world government.

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