This article was written by Rose-Marie Paradis from our Women Against Feminism Facebook Group. Her first language is French. Check her twitter out at rmpwriter and this is her Facebook Page or you can message her here.
I have been a men’s rights activist since a few years. Ironically mostly after I got in social work and they tried to brainwash me with feminism, I ended up knowing too much about it and placed myself against it. I’m not against women’s rights. I’m a woman, and not a conservative one for sure. But I am against feminism, the movement. Most people think it’s illogical with everything I have been through. So I’ll do a quick summary first. I have been victim of bullying from 6 to 17. I developed borderline personality disorder and it normalized violence in my life. I then went from abusive man to other abusive man. I had to get the police involved a few times because they beat me and one even broke 2 of my ribs.
I was raped by my first boyfriend, who didn’t stop when I was hurting and I ended up in pain for a few years when I masturbated or had sex even a few months after the rape, my doctor saw the damage and asked me what happened. My third boyfriend gained 125 lbs over a year, and abused me as I was not attracted to him anymore. Ended up almost killing me too. He stopped me from breathing, and after I fled, as I was not fast enough he strangled me. He owed me a lot of money, never saw it again. I Went through a few short toxic relationships, and met the worst person I ever knew. That guy has an history of violence, abuse and stealing from everyone he knows. But he moves from city to city, and recently moved province to flee his reputation and eventually the police.
He made another victim out of me. He lived off my back and was then gone when I stopped supporting him. Never paid back and went away with my stuff. I had to drop out of university. I’m now back in professional school, but it’s not in what I planned. I was suicidal over losing this. I moved, met another abusive guy who beat me last summer. at least this one is going to court. If there’s one who I could forgive one day, it would be him. So, seeing all this, you would think I am a feminist. I am not. And feminist have treated me very badly, and I want to conclude this long story of abuse by saying:
1. Feminism victimizes women, and makes men inherently bad When you think in victim hood, you don’t think about what responsibility you hold for being with these men. Feminism always talks about how men are abusers, about toxic masculinity, about having to teach them to be decent living beings. What I learned with my psychiatrist was to take responsibility of putting myself in those bad situations. Not the responsible of my abuse, but responsible of being attracted to that type of man. And responsibility for how I was attracting them. Feminism say they are about empowerment, but it never talks the responsibility of the victim in her own life choices. And yes, in some case, nobody expected it, but regular abuse has a common denominator and it’s the victim. By taking the responsibility in being vulnerable to them, yet attracted to them, I was able to stop the cycle and I’m now with a great man.
2. The feminist conclusion of my abuse is that it’s because I was a woman, and they were men. The reality is that I was a victim because I was bullied, and this happened because I was poor, different and had a health problem. Many other boys were also bullied. And my abusers were men because… well, simply because I dated men.
3. Feminism doesn’t recognize abused men, or if they do, the abuser is still a man Feminism ads campaign are always about women being the victims, toxic masculinity, etc. It’s really rare to see a campaign featuring an abusive woman and a man as a victim. In my university social work degree, we always learned about women as victims and men as abusers. Programs for men are always toward them not being abusers anymore.
4. Feminism doesn’t recognize women as abusers, and mostly does not give weight to their type of abuse. Psychological abuse is, to me, the most important abuse and it’s not the abuse which emphasis is placed on. Psychological abuse allows for further abuse too: financial, physical and one important abuse people never talk about: threatening to take the kids. Not only is psychological abuse not recognized in the law, it can be done by both gender. The only abuse recognized by the law is physical abuse. And yes, men will tend to use it more since what they have is more physical strength usually. Thing is, only women can really threaten to take the kids, as they get them exclusively in 60% cases. It would be really hard for a man to do that. Physical abuse might be horrible, but so is psychological abuse. It’s actually the abuse that stayed with me the longest. My body repairs way faster and easier than my head. I still have night terrors about the psychological abuse, now almost 2 years after the fact. My body has been healed almost 2 years ago.
5. Feminism doesn’t recognize the privilege of being a woman in a situation of abuse since men’s most common abuse story is not recognized, nor illegal, it shows in a lack of ressources as well as experts taking them seriously. They have, where I live, only access to 1 organisation, that is privately funded and can afford only 100 beds. They are in 4 centers, in 2 cities. While women have 1000 beds for the whole province, at least one center in every area. When I was abused, I was believed, had access to shelters, resources, therapy, even group therapy. the police never asked my ex if I attacked them first. I was the victim, as default. Even feminist numbers account for a ratio of abuse going for 30-60. While the resources are 0-100, in public funds, why? And even worse, in some area, the health ministry says men account for 60% of abuse and also men stay longer in the abusive relationship because they fear losing their kids ! Why do abused men have to join abusive men groups because it’s the only type of therapy group available in most places? A man victim of abuse faces the same consequences, and should have access to the same resources. Even if men were less likely to be abused. A single abused man isn’t different than an abused woman. With all that, I could simply not be a feminist, but also not necessarily an antifeminist. Why I am actively an antifeminist now follows:
6. I am anti discrimination It’s very simple. It’s the same reason I’m not just an atheist but also anti-religion. That I am anti-kkk. Anti-slavery. I oppose any movement that discriminates.
7. Feminists are stopping men to at least give other men resources, since the state isn’t giving them any. At least, if you don’t want to give them help, let them give help. Feminists aren’t relevant to a men’s shelter. It’s not their place to block it. The general complaint feminist has is that men’s shelter will use men’s rights theories… Since feminists use feminist theories in their own shelter, they are in no place to be angry men do the equivalent. Feminism say they are about equality, but they show otherwise.
This article was written by Rose-Marie Paradis from our Women Against Feminism Facebook Group. Her first language is French.
Check her twitter out at rmpwriter and this is her Facebook Page or you can message her here.
Love the dress. I think it is blue on gold.
Oh the article. Yeah that was a made up pile of badly researched bullshit.
I will mention that I am a feminist, but I’m trying to read up as much as possible on both sides because I want to know clearly what I stand for. Your article has been one of the most impartial and well-informed I’ve read so far. Thank you for sharing your story and helping me understand the other side of the coin much better.
You are the kindest feminist I have ever seen. I wish more was like you. Like in the old day where feminist meant something.
Sorry but saying it’s badly researched bullshit doesn’t make it bullshit.
You are picking and choosing with how you define what feminism is. Your points have validity but doesn’t make them anti feminist.
If one counts the staggering amount of voilence by proxy (false claims of domestic violence or rape) made by women in the crime statistics there would be no doubt that human females are the most violent of all creatures. If one compared the damage done to men by this violence by proxy to the statistical rarity of actual rape or domestic violence committed by men on women the same result would be shown.
The estimated number of restraining orders granted (they are given to women like Halloween candy) per year in the U.S. is between two and three million. The restraining order saddles a man for life and effectively destroys his present and his future. That is 2.5 million men per year. The number of cases of actual rape and domestic violence inflicting serious injury pale in comparison.
I should know. I was cruxified in a legal passion play so the lying, adulterous, money laundering ex-wife could claim her cash and prizes. My sin was being the typical loyal beta tradcon providing husband. I now have the same amount of regard for my country that my country has proven it has for me – zero.
You ladies here can be anti-feminism all you like. But in reality your position is nothing more than a recognition that the female gravy train in the West is in imminent danger of grinding to a halt. The reason for this is that the backbone of civilization, the excess labor of the averge beta male in support of his wife and children, is being withdrawn at an ever accelerating pace. The average beta male is starting to turn his back on a culture that has declared him persona non grata. You anti-feminist recognize this and realize what it means for the future when the number of average men abandoning the culture reaches critical mass. The culture collapses and the famale gravy train along with it.
I have a suggestion for you. Read up on Oswald Spengler’s civilization model. A civilization has a 1,000 year life cycle. An unmistakable sign of imminent collapse is innate female hypergamous sexuality unleashed. It happened to Babylon, Greece, Rome, and five others that Spengler studied. It only takes two generations for collapse and the West is halfway through the first.
The die is cast and there is nothing you can do about it. I suggest you head to the countryside and learn survival skills and perhaps find a man willing to take you on. As the MGTOW phenomenon continues to grow exponentially your odds of finding one are decreasing at the same rate. The young men of today have seen first hand what was done to their fathers, uncles, and brothers by their mothers, aunts, and sisters-in-law. They want no part of it. Can you blame them?
The feminist manta of “women don’t need men” is starting to be tested. When the collapse occurs, men will be just fine. You ladies will have no choice for survival other than assimilation into the conquering culture. American women need to learn Spanish. European women need to learn how to wear a burka.
I applaud your efforts, but you are as meaningless and ineffective as the MRA. Good luck out there. You are going to need it. Cheers.
Well said my brother!Are you a fellow MGTOW?
That Rose-Marie is such a damn hypocrite! She claims to be against feminism and the Ku Klux Klan but is also against religion. That makes her no better than the people she claims to hate. Well, I say, “To hell with he rand her bigotry! She can take her bias against faith and shove it up her ass!”
But just because I’m against Rose-Marie’s hatred for faith, it doesn’t mean that I’m fanatical about religion. Hell, I’m against people who misuse religion just as I’m against bigots of all kinds as long as they aren’t as bad as the people who they claim to hate.
What’s your opinion about MGTOW?We are anti-Feminists who fight for the rights of our brothers.I’ve heard other MGTOW members talk about NOWALTS.Were they reffering to your movement?
Babe you are inventing a form of feminism to disagree with. I myself am I feminist and I do not agree with many of the ideals you call, “feminist.” You cannot create your of version of my beliefs just to disagree with them.
listen Chloe – you obviously lack the where with all to understand or comprehend what you are saying. Be a man who is trapped in an abusive relationship, with a wife and daughter, while providing a large chunk of the financial support for the family. the man has literally zero rights – and if he gets berated and beaten, and dares to push the wife out of the way to escape, he is in jail, loses access to his kids, and then when he gets out of jail and has “paid his price to society”, he then gives 80% of everything he earns to that abusive woman to raise a child that now hates his father, and now themselves will fall victim to the same cycle of violence in the next generation. your comments are offensive, and frankly ignorant. Do not speak about things you obviously know nothing about. Feminism is offensive – at its very nature – and the fact its publicly funded, and funded at least 50% by men, who then get to be victimized by the mantra is ridiculous. The issue really is pretty simple. Most men are good men, they love their wives and their families and would step in front of a bullet for them. These same good men, see the BS propaganda feminists put up, of some (and very very few) horrific men that beat their woman, and we become feminists and part of the movement. until we are crumbled, beaten and broken and there is no one to help us. So, do me a favour “babe”. No one is inventing a form a feminism. either get over yourself, and realize the world does not revolve around you, or simply stop talking. Maybe you should take a look at this ted talk as an example of a woman who has a soul and is starting to understand the horrors feminism has created
Perhaps you should take some good advice from her; that ALL people need to listen to other’s arguments in order to reach a sounder understanding of the issue at hand. She is NOT singling out all feminists as the problem, or as being the sole cause of the “horrors” within the gender debate. She is telling her experiences within her corner of the feminist movement, a very small corner of the feminist movement. Her video is very well grounded and well spoken argument, you really shouldn’t tarnish that by putting words in her mouth
this piece makes a lot of sense, and I understand what you mean, but you’re wrong with the idea of feminism, its about making everyone equal, protecting abused MEN and women, it’s not about just enflate women and decrease men, it’s about EQUALITY. I’m a feminist and I think you have confused femiNAZIS with femiNIST.
Your beliefs are an egaltarian, not feminism. Feminism has always been for thr advocacy of womens rights, when it first started( as it was heavily needed). Feminist are trying to change the definition so that they can say men should be for feminism, but no feminist advocates are activly( or even passivly) fighting for mens rights, as the new feminist movements(#metoo) have taken away even more rights for men( right to due process, innocent until proven gulity, right to face accuser). If you belive in the equality of mens and womens rights, your a egalitarian. Remember you can be a misandrist and a feminist, but its physcially impossible to be monsandrist or misoginst if your egalitarian. The point i’n getting across, is theres no public outcry from false alligations, no mens homeless shelteres, the riduous govement system that is so blatently misandrist, that if a man is abused by his girlfriend, and CALLS THE COPS ON HER, the cop will REFUSE TO LISTEN TO THE CALLER, and instead question the woman if she is scared for her life, or was abused. The victim who CALLS IN, is considered the suspect, if they are a male. Thats misandrist to the highest caliber, and you NEVER hear any feminist talk about that. Even woman teachers who rape male teenagers are given a slap on the wrist, when male teaches are jailed( as both parties should be). Feminist want women to be empowered but held to a lower standered, with facects that go to physical training( women are required to lift less, do less, but get payed the same, liie with figherfighters, who have to carry 70 pounds, women can drag the 70, and these feminist get backlash from women who had to complete the corse the same as there male counterparts, who feel society is making things easier for women, so they can get the job, while at the expese of the women who worked hard for the properly earned position.
I agree with every word you said. I would add. If the police do appear on-scene, and a man tells the cops what the woman has done. THE COPS TELL THE MAN TO LEAVE, NOT THE WOMAN. I experienced it first-hand.
People think women are too weak and aren’t strong enough to actually hurt other people, like their S/O or their children. That’s why when husbands or men call in for their safety their made fun of.
Show me a feminist who will champion, or even support men’s rights’.
My elderly mother is a staunch feminist. I taught her a major lesson.
Not only in how feminism has veritably obliterated equality. But how, women are able to get away with anything. When in a verbal and/or emotional and/or physical disagreement with a man.
Hi Rose- Marie,
Your article intrigued me, as i felt the anti feminist movement was about our right to be women as God intended, and for men to be respected and valued as human beings. But then you mention words like masturbation and you lost me. As i recovered from the image of you masturbating I felt positive again that your article supports both men and women. but then you lost me again when you said you were an atheist. Life to me without God is unimaginable and not worth living. For me the anti feminist movement is about supporting the family unit. respecting the wife who chooses to stay home to raise her kids and honoring the husband who is more than happy to work hard to support the family that he loves. You had some good points men are also psychologically abused, I see it all the time, women who dangle their own kids in front of their ex husbands or partners to tease and torture them. This is pure evil. i could go on and on. but i would like people to understand that i like many many women i know will stand behind their men, even when our system will do everything in its power to break them. take their children, money and respect. With God in our corner we cannot lose. Thank you for your article and don’t give up none of us are perfect, but that is just been human.
That feminists are worried men’s shelters will promote men’s rights theories shows on some level they know they’re wrong if they’re trying to keep the other side from being heard.
I loved it.give it her a clap.we should try to gain our liberty but not by the means of fighting men.we need their help as they need our help
You did not develop ‘borderline personality disorder’. You developed PTSD.
and bpd develops, how?
Very good point: you were responsible for being in the situations not for the abuse. Dividing what is your fault from what is not is the single most confusing part of abuse and why people stay in it. You made a very clear line.
So here’s how I was brought to this page. I am researching for a college essay. This essay is a reaction essay and the topic of my essay is women’s rights. I was trying to find articles that would support my side. This article basically expresses my frustration with feminists or what I was calling women’s rights activists. I agree with your article because that is almost exactly how feminist groups are in my perception. These people wanting more women’s rights are actually tipping the scale for women. They keep on giving the impression that men are just evil. But what about when the women are being evil. It almost never goes on the news. I have even heard about a way that some women basically take advantage of men in the workplace. You know all of those sexual harassment charges that are just believed that the women are telling the truth. Well, some women have actually taken advantage of that and if a man even does a slight flirty gesture they cry sexual harassment and the men go to court and loses so the women get paid. Along with the men’s reputation destroyed and loss of his job. This is why I totally agree with you. Trust me I want women to be equal. I’m not sexist, but the feminists take advantage of themselves being considered victims.
My thoughts again. Please can you add me to your Facebook group and WhatsApp group if you have one. I would love to meet other like minded people like myself.