This article was written by Rose-Marie Paradis from our Women Against Feminism Facebook Group. Her first language is French. Check her twitter out at rmpwriter and this is her Facebook Page or you can message her here.
I have been a men’s rights activist since a few years. Ironically mostly after I got in social work and they tried to brainwash me with feminism, I ended up knowing too much about it and placed myself against it. I’m not against women’s rights. I’m a woman, and not a conservative one for sure. But I am against feminism, the movement. Most people think it’s illogical with everything I have been through. So I’ll do a quick summary first. I have been victim of bullying from 6 to 17. I developed borderline personality disorder and it normalized violence in my life. I then went from abusive man to other abusive man. I had to get the police involved a few times because they beat me and one even broke 2 of my ribs.
I was raped by my first boyfriend, who didn’t stop when I was hurting and I ended up in pain for a few years when I masturbated or had sex even a few months after the rape, my doctor saw the damage and asked me what happened. My third boyfriend gained 125 lbs over a year, and abused me as I was not attracted to him anymore. Ended up almost killing me too. He stopped me from breathing, and after I fled, as I was not fast enough he strangled me. He owed me a lot of money, never saw it again. I Went through a few short toxic relationships, and met the worst person I ever knew. That guy has an history of violence, abuse and stealing from everyone he knows. But he moves from city to city, and recently moved province to flee his reputation and eventually the police.
He made another victim out of me. He lived off my back and was then gone when I stopped supporting him. Never paid back and went away with my stuff. I had to drop out of university. I’m now back in professional school, but it’s not in what I planned. I was suicidal over losing this. I moved, met another abusive guy who beat me last summer. at least this one is going to court. If there’s one who I could forgive one day, it would be him. So, seeing all this, you would think I am a feminist. I am not. And feminist have treated me very badly, and I want to conclude this long story of abuse by saying:
1. Feminism victimizes women, and makes men inherently bad When you think in victim hood, you don’t think about what responsibility you hold for being with these men. Feminism always talks about how men are abusers, about toxic masculinity, about having to teach them to be decent living beings. What I learned with my psychiatrist was to take responsibility of putting myself in those bad situations. Not the responsible of my abuse, but responsible of being attracted to that type of man. And responsibility for how I was attracting them. Feminism say they are about empowerment, but it never talks the responsibility of the victim in her own life choices. And yes, in some case, nobody expected it, but regular abuse has a common denominator and it’s the victim. By taking the responsibility in being vulnerable to them, yet attracted to them, I was able to stop the cycle and I’m now with a great man.
2. The feminist conclusion of my abuse is that it’s because I was a woman, and they were men. The reality is that I was a victim because I was bullied, and this happened because I was poor, different and had a health problem. Many other boys were also bullied. And my abusers were men because… well, simply because I dated men.
3. Feminism doesn’t recognize abused men, or if they do, the abuser is still a man Feminism ads campaign are always about women being the victims, toxic masculinity, etc. It’s really rare to see a campaign featuring an abusive woman and a man as a victim. In my university social work degree, we always learned about women as victims and men as abusers. Programs for men are always toward them not being abusers anymore.
4. Feminism doesn’t recognize women as abusers, and mostly does not give weight to their type of abuse. Psychological abuse is, to me, the most important abuse and it’s not the abuse which emphasis is placed on. Psychological abuse allows for further abuse too: financial, physical and one important abuse people never talk about: threatening to take the kids. Not only is psychological abuse not recognized in the law, it can be done by both gender. The only abuse recognized by the law is physical abuse. And yes, men will tend to use it more since what they have is more physical strength usually. Thing is, only women can really threaten to take the kids, as they get them exclusively in 60% cases. It would be really hard for a man to do that. Physical abuse might be horrible, but so is psychological abuse. It’s actually the abuse that stayed with me the longest. My body repairs way faster and easier than my head. I still have night terrors about the psychological abuse, now almost 2 years after the fact. My body has been healed almost 2 years ago.
5. Feminism doesn’t recognize the privilege of being a woman in a situation of abuse since men’s most common abuse story is not recognized, nor illegal, it shows in a lack of ressources as well as experts taking them seriously. They have, where I live, only access to 1 organisation, that is privately funded and can afford only 100 beds. They are in 4 centers, in 2 cities. While women have 1000 beds for the whole province, at least one center in every area. When I was abused, I was believed, had access to shelters, resources, therapy, even group therapy. the police never asked my ex if I attacked them first. I was the victim, as default. Even feminist numbers account for a ratio of abuse going for 30-60. While the resources are 0-100, in public funds, why? And even worse, in some area, the health ministry says men account for 60% of abuse and also men stay longer in the abusive relationship because they fear losing their kids ! Why do abused men have to join abusive men groups because it’s the only type of therapy group available in most places? A man victim of abuse faces the same consequences, and should have access to the same resources. Even if men were less likely to be abused. A single abused man isn’t different than an abused woman. With all that, I could simply not be a feminist, but also not necessarily an antifeminist. Why I am actively an antifeminist now follows:
6. I am anti discrimination It’s very simple. It’s the same reason I’m not just an atheist but also anti-religion. That I am anti-kkk. Anti-slavery. I oppose any movement that discriminates.
7. Feminists are stopping men to at least give other men resources, since the state isn’t giving them any. At least, if you don’t want to give them help, let them give help. Feminists aren’t relevant to a men’s shelter. It’s not their place to block it. The general complaint feminist has is that men’s shelter will use men’s rights theories… Since feminists use feminist theories in their own shelter, they are in no place to be angry men do the equivalent. Feminism say they are about equality, but they show otherwise.
This article was written by Rose-Marie Paradis from our Women Against Feminism Facebook Group. Her first language is French.